It is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right to say “That was shitty of you”. You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.
An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function in a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship. It takes two wholes.
The trouble with fiction is that it makes too much sense, whereas reality never makes sense.
I’m a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has.
I absolutely do not need to validate my feelings, to you or anyone for that matter. I feel them, they are valid. I don’t need your approval for my choices on healing and self preservation. This is my journey, this is what I need, and if you are not willing to accept that, so be it.